We Should All Be Selfish
(Why you must be selfish)
Bolu, a dedicated doctor, was working long hours to support her team and care for her patients. However, she began feeling exhausted and burned out. Realizing she couldn’t sustain her high level of work if she didn’t take time for herself, Bolu decided to cut back on her hours and prioritize herself.
As you will come to find out when you go digging, Selfishness has been defined as the quality of putting one's own interests, desires, or needs ahead of others. The word has a negative connotation, it has been equated to narcissism, apathy, and ego-centric nature.
I believe humans are hardwired to look out for themselves and it's the extension of yourself that you give to others. As with everything in life, too much of anything is bad. Balance has always been the key to life. You will find out that as good as water is for the growth of plants, too much water can also kill a plant. Most things are not necessarily bad in themselves, it is going overboard, excessiveness that opens the door for catastrophe. A food can be considered healthy but the quantity that you consume can affect how your body reacts to it.
Looking out for yourself, prioritizing yourself, and setting boundaries can be considered selfishness, and there is a level of guilt that comes with it. But you cannot pour from an empty cup. Self-care is not selfish. As with everything in life, indulging in selfishness to the point where you do not care or have any regard for others is worrisome and not to be encouraged.
The psychologist- Scott Barry Kaufman, explained this better when he differentiated what he calls healthy selfishness from unhealthy selfishness. Healthy selfishness is the product of self-love and this shouldn't be considered a terrible idea. Prioritizing yourself in a way that respects others and fosters healthy relationships. The issue only lies with unhealthy selfishness. The act of prioritizing yourself to the detriment and at the expense of others.
I do not believe that selfishness is synonymous with unkindness. The gospel of kindness to others is being preached all over the media, religious organizations, and the world at large.
When people think of kindness, they consider it as something you give to others, and when you channel that kindness to yourself, it is often seen as selfishness. This is why most people find it hard to say "No" when it is not convenient for them. They do not want to be labelled as "selfish" or " unkind", so they give and give without any boundary till they burn out.
It was Mandy Hale, who said, self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what is left of you."
In the words of Katie Reed, when you say 'yes' to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.
You must overcome the guilt that is associated with self-love and self-care. Looking out for yourself should not be seen as a negative thing.
In law, they say, you cannot give what you don’t have. If you neglect yourself or suffer from burnout because you don’t set boundaries, for fear of being tagged "selfish" or "unkind", you will bleed on all other areas of your life and the people around you.
As Oscar Wilde said, you cannot be everything to everyone, but you can be something to yourself.
Like Bolu, learn to take a step back and look inward. Prioritizing yourself is not selfishness. Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. You cannot convince me that cutting back hours somehow makes Bolu selfish, in any way, you decide to look at it.
Selfishness, in a way that is considered healthy, is a key aspect to leading a balanced life.
