Talk About It
(The man at the edge of 3rd mainland bridge)
“A problem shared na see finish”.
I was strolling through the streets of WhatsApp status when I saw this quote on the story of one of my contacts and it caught my attention. It is a post in Nigerian pidgin english that loosely translates to “sharing your problem/ vulnerability breeds contempt”.
I thought of this quote when I rushed to the hospital to see a friend who had attempted suicide by slitting her veins. As I sat beside her on the bed, shocked beyond words and in a pool of tears, asking her why she didn’t share her burden with me, I was met with a response that befuddled me “Talking doesn’t help; it makes me feel exposed”. Those were her words to me.
Everywhere you turn these days, someone or an organization is asking you to “talk to someone” as some form of remedy to suicide and mental illness. They believe that in talking, you will find some comfort or help. Let’s face it, suicide is too permanent for you to make a mistake with it. With murder, there is someone else to punish, but with suicide, you are the victim and the culprit.
They ask you to speak out because everything happens inside of you and people can be around you without knowing what is going on inside of you (as with every other human), so when you voice out, you give people the opportunity to be privy to the chaos inside of you. It’s the only way they can know what’s happening with you.
Is talking truly worth it
Sometime in 2021, a man drove from his home, parked his car somewhere along the Third Mainland in Lagos and then proceeded to jump into the ocean. Unfortunately, he was successful in his quest. Upon investigation, they found out that he owed millions of Naira and his creditors were exploring legal actions. The man in question had sought financial help, and those he spoke to didn’t have the means to help at the moment, so he resulted in that action.
Can you say the principle of “talking/sharing your burden with others” as a preventative means to suicide was beneficial to this man or not?
Is the financial help considered “talking” in relation to this topic?
September is suicide prevention month, and as I sat in the middle of one of those days in September, that lay sly and seen among the rest of the days of this month, I thought of Folake, a girl at church, who while she was bedridden with depression and nurturing these dark thoughts sent a message to her friend and by the time they rushed to Folake’s house, she was staring intensely at a bottle of a sniper. Luckily, her friend got there on time and was able to get professional and emotional help for her.
Reaching out (which you can term talking) came in handy for Folake.
The goal of TALKING to someone/ reaching out has not been touted as some one-size solution to suicide. Also, talking means different things to different people. You can choose to narrate in specific detail the situation(s) that is wreaking havoc on your mental health. You can inform those around you that you are on a slippery slope of depression, you can talk about how burdened you feel, you can talk about craving the company of others, a simple I need help to those around you can suffice, the list is inexhaustible.
With talking, it doesn’t mean, the help you want will come instantly or in the way and the manner you want it. Also, The process of talking is not an activity that is mandated to happen only between you and the people in your lives or neighbours. You can talk to a professional, you can reach out to organizations that are dedicated to mental health, you can talk to strangers if the anonymity brings you some sort of comfort. Talking doesn’t have to be choreographed, talking in this context is simply seeking for help or crying out for help.
Life’s burdens can often cause the mind to fall sick. Think about how certain lifestyles can make you feel sick or how certain foods can make the body, break down. Your body being exposed to a certain environment or condition can make you feel sick. The thoughts in your head, the situation around you, your emotions can often do the same to your mind.
Yes, the fact that you don’t have money to get certain things can cause emotional stress, which can weigh down your mind and eventually spiral out of control. Yes, talking about this when they won’t offer financial help might look futile, but you never know the windows of possibilities and solutions that can come from talking.
The thing with talking is, “If you never try it, you will never know”. If you don’t try it, you are guaranteed that it will not be beneficial to you 100%, but if you attempt it, there is a 50/50 chance that you will reap its benefits.
‘Talking' sets the wheel in motion; it opens you up to a world of possibilities. It is not touted as a solution to your problem. But it can open you up to a stream of solutions.
Talking, seeking help or crying out for help is not a weakness; I consider it a strength to call upon others to hold you when you feel tired. Vulnerability by its very nature is “see finish” but it is good, it takes a lot of gut to open the doors of your mind to others. What they do or don’t do as a result of your vulnerability is not your burden to carry.
As they say, “A problem shared is a problem solved”. I believe in this wholeheartedly. Sometimes, we are in the trenches with the problem that we don’t take a moment to look up to possibilities, but by talking, you can share your burden, so it is no longer as heavy as it was. Talking is an avenue to unburden yourself; a way to explore different perspectives.
This September 2024, in honour of Suicide Prevention Week, I am here to remind you that talking isn’t a cliche. Talking isn’t useless; Talking is good, and it can open you up to a clear horizon.
