IF I STAY (3)

You have to be strong for your mom and brother

I should have been in that car. If anyone was meant to die, it should have been me not my Bidemi or my parent.

Bidemi !! It’s just the two of us now. You have to wake up. I promise you that I will dedicate my life to take care of you. We can go wherever you want.

Oriyomi: Oh NO !!! He’ll never learn how to drive a car, he will never fall in love, never kiss a girl. He won’t make it to university, he will never see the world beyond what he knew. He will never watch Messi play again.

I want to die

I will kill myself but before then I have to give them a befitting burial and say my goodbye

Not many people know this, but I was raped by a man my parents' loved and called a mentor. For years, I have lived in shame and I blamed myself and blamed my parents.

The funny thing about death is that it has a way of absolving the dead of all their wrongdoings. I had to forgive them because you can only be angry at the living. But now, I forgive my parents not because I had to but because I want to.

They didn’t know better, if they did, they would have done better. I felt like my mother blamed me for being raped by her pastor. I felt like she empathized with him and dreaded me, but she had to choose me over him for humanity’s sake.

Mommy, I forgive you from the depth of my heart. My mother loved me in the way that she knew how to. She poured herself into me and my brother, but she could only love us as far as she knew. She grew up in a society that told her that a woman’s aching back from carrying her family was a virtue, she was taught that she is lesser than the man she married. My mother loved me, but her love was both love, torns, and prison. She grew up in a society that tied a woman’s worth to her vagina and a man’s gaze.

My mother was a good woman who was thought to sacrifice her happiness and self-worth on the altar of being subservient to men. She loved me with all the love she had and whilst her love was not enough to carry me, she gave me all she had in her.

Bidemi is the star-crossed love of my life. He was my best friend and the best thing that have ever happened to me. Bidemi loved me with everything in him and he died loving me.

He was my brother, best friend, Advocate, defender, teacher, and therapist. Me and Bidemi’s story is a love story. The siblings who adored each other. Like all siblings, we fought, bickered, and argued but beneath all that was a relationship built on love. Bidemi, I miss you and even in death, I still love you.

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Ayodele Obayelu

Ayodele Obayelu

I love words and the power it wields on the human mind and emotion #Storyteller #poet